25 Questions to Ask Before Saying Yes to a Rishta

Most rishta meetings cover the same surface ground: education, job, family background, and whether the tea was good. The conversations that actually predict a successful marriage happen somewhere else entirely.

Here are the questions worth asking — before the decision, not after.

About daily life and expectations

• Where do you expect us to live in the first year — and after?
• Do you expect me to work after marriage? Would that change after children?
• How do you imagine we'll divide household responsibilities?
• How much time do you expect to spend with each side of the family?
• What does a normal weekend look like for you?

About money

Financial silence causes more marital conflict in Pakistan than almost anything else. Ask plainly and early.

• Will our finances be joint, separate, or a mix?
• Do you support family members financially, and will that continue?
• Are there existing loans or commitments I should know about?
• Who decides on large purchases?
• What are your expectations around haq mehr?

About deen and values

• How do you practise your faith day to day?
• How would you want to raise children religiously?
• How do your family's religious expectations compare with your own?
• What role should extended family play in our decisions?

About family dynamics

You are not only marrying a person; in most Pakistani households you are joining a family system. Understand it before you commit.

• Who makes major decisions in your family?
• How does your family handle disagreement?
• What do your parents expect from a bahu or damad?
• Has anyone in your family married outside the biradari? How was it received?

About the future

• Do you want children, and when?
• Would you consider moving cities or abroad for work?
• What does success look like to you in ten years?
• What would make you consider a marriage to have failed?

The questions people forget

• Has either of us been engaged or married before?
• Are there health conditions our families should discuss?
• How do you handle conflict when you're angry?
• What did you learn from your parents' marriage that you'd repeat — or avoid?

How to actually ask these

Not all at once, and not like an interrogation. Spread them across conversations. Notice not just the answers but whether the person is comfortable being asked at all — a partner who resents honest questions before marriage rarely welcomes them after it.

On ShadiLife, families can review matches together through Family Mode, so these conversations happen with the people who'll be part of the marriage too. Start your search or read more real success stories.